It's not easy
by MagicalMansion
Summary: Coming out is not always easy. Dean learns that when he comes out to his brother, his father and Bobby and receives three very different reactions. Series of three one-shots of Dean coming out to Sam, John and Bobby.
1. Coming out to Sam

**Just a short series of three one-shots of Dean coming out to Sam, John and Bobby.**

**This first one is set when Dean is a senior in High School and Sam is a freshman.**

**I do not own Supernatural, the usual stuff blabla... AND I hope y'all enjoy the story!  
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1. Coming out to Sam

When Sam came back from school he found Dean lying on the couch in their motel room. He threw his backpack to the floor and joined his brother, sitting down in the armchair next to the couch.

„Hey buddy, how was school today?" Dean asked, not even bothering to look up from the car magazine he was reading.

„It was good, I guess. Dean, can I ask you something?" Sam asked his older brother carefully.

„Sure Sammy, anything." Dean replied. He had no clue what this was about, but he put down his magazine and looked up at his brother.

„Well, I saw you today at school... with that other guy Vince, behind the gym." Sam started.A look of panic spread on Dean's face, this was not what he'd expected. Sam wasn't supposed to find out about anything like this. But Dean had known that this eventually might come up one day and he'd decided the best way to deal with it would be to play it down.

„What you saw was nothing. We were just fooling arround." he explained to his younger brother as coolly as possible. But Sam didn't quite believe him.

„Well it wasn't the first time I saw you together. I've seen you talking to him in the hallway before, and you looked at him the way you usually look at girls you like. So what's going on here?" Sam asked.

Dean sighed and shifted into a sitting position on the couch. „You see, Sammy, this is complicated..." He started, but he wasn't quite sure what to say. He'd hoped that even if Sam found out, he'd never ask this directly. He stared down at his hands for a while before he started speaking again „I really like Vince, but it's complicated." He couldn't think of a better word to describe his situation.

„Yeah, you already said that. So does that mean you're gay now, I thought you liked girls?"

„I do, I like girls, but I guess ...I like guys too." It was heard for Dean to admit this to his little brother. He'd never talked about his sexuality to anyone before and he actually wanted to keep it that way.

„So you're bisexual?"

„I guess, that's what you call it."

Sam was silent for a moment thinking about what his brother had just revealed to him. He didn't think of this as much of a big deal. „Why didn't you tell me before? You never lie to me."

„I didn't actually lie to you, I just didn't tell you the whole truth." Dean tried.

„That's what people who lie always say." Said Sam, disappointment in his voice. Dean was his older brother and he looked up to him. But now he had the feeling like Dean didn't even trust him.

„I'm sorry Sam, I probably shouldn't have kept this a secret from you. It's just that we move into a new city every few month. I go to a new school, meet some nice guy or girl and have a good time, and then we move on to the next city. So at the end of the day it doesn't really matter who I'm with."

„But if it doesn't matter anyways, why do you keep it a secret?"

„Isn't that obvious, Sammy? First of all, we're hunters, we don't bother with feelings or crap. We do our job and save lives, there is no time for romantic and emotional stuff. And secondly, I'm pretty sure dad wouldn't be too happy to hear that one of his little soldiers is actually queer." Dean concluded.

That was in fact the real problem: his father. John would probably kill him if he found out that he liked boys. This wasn't how he was raised. He was raised to be a „real" man, who liked guns, cars, rock'n'roll and women, not to be some queer dude who couldn't make his mind up about wether he preferred dicks or vaginas. No way in hell would it end good if John found out about his sexuality.

„It's okay, I won't tell dad or anyone else. Your secret is safe with me." Sam said. He understood perfectly what it meant not to fit into their father's image of a perfect son, for he hated the hunting life and wanted to go his own way after school. But it wasn't easy to disobey John's future plans for them.

„Thanks Sammy." Dean said with a slight smile. Then he stood up from the couch and made his way over to the fridge. „Dad will probably come back late. Are you hungry?"

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**So yeah, that was part one. I hope you liked it.**


	2. Coming out to John

2. Coming out to John

The topic of Dean's sexuality didn't come up again until several years later. Sam had left for college about three years ago. Dean was 25 and he was living what would be considered a „normal life" for a hunter. He travelled around with his dad, they stayed in cheap motels and hunted down every supernatural creature that came across their way. When they weren't on a job they spent a lot of time in bars, to get a drink and forget about the horrible monsters they had to deal with on a daily basis. Dean also enjoyed the flirting with the waitresses. He basically flirted with every good looking woman he met on a job, and when he thought his father didn't look, he also couldn't help himself but shoot a flirty smile at some guys too. He only hoped his father never noticed that.

When Dean was on a hunt alone it often happened that he met a nice guy, who he brought back to his motel room. He enjoyed those solo hunts, for one it was good to get away from his father once in a while and it was even better that he didn't have to pretend he was all straight when John wasn't around.

Every time when Dean got back to his father after that he realised how much he hated pretending. It had taken him years of struggling until he finally realised that there was nothing wrong with loving other guys. But he knew that his father wouldn't understand. Most of society didn't. Men were supposed to be with women, to bring home the money and not to act on their feelings. John was a perfect example for this image of a man. After Mary had died he had taken on the task to protect his boys and hunt down whatever had killed their mother. He never showed any emotion towards Dean or Sam. He had raised them to be hunters, soldiers that listened to every order he gave them. Somehow Sam had managed to get away from him, by getting a scholarship and going to college. Dean felt more and more often that he wanted to get away from his father too. He was old enough for sure and he knew enough about hunting to do the job on his own. But then again he didn't want to leave him behind just like that. Even though John never talked about any of his feelings, Dean knew that he missed Sam and that he needed Dean to have someone to hold on to. Or at least that was what Dean hoped for.

But no matter how much he wanted to fit into the image of a perfect son for his father, the situation weighed on him, and he wanted to finally come to terms about his sexuality to him. He had met a nice guy named Thomas Johnson on a hunt a couple of weeks ago and he and Tom were still in contact. The people he met at bars and slept with became rarely more than one-night-stands, but once in a while it happened that they ended in something that might be considered a relationship, at least for Dean's standards. There was this girl Lisa once, he met her on a roadtrip and they spent the weekend together. Then there was Cassie whom he dated for almost a month, before she broke up with him after he told her about his job as a hunter. And now there was Thomas.

They had met in the garage where Tom worked, when Dean had to get some spare parts for the Impala. They talked about cars and music while Dean fixed his baby, and Dean immediately felt the chemistry. So after he'd finished with the Impala he asked Tom to join him for a beer in a nearby bar.

Ever since meeting Tom the topic of his sexuality felt more present again. He thought about it a lot: Should he finally tell John or not? What would become of Tom and him? Was this material for a real relationship for once? Dean didn't think so, he doubted that as a hunter he would ever have a normal relationship with anyone.

All those thoughts just wouldn't leave his mind and they distracted him from the job. John noticed that too.

xxx

After Dean almost screwed up a hunt, they ended up in a bar again, where they both drank their beer in silence. Instead of studying the lore like John had told him earlier that day, Dean's thought had again drifted off to Thomas and all those questions that being with him brought up. So he had gone on the hunt carrying a silver knife, even though the lore said, the pagan god they were searching was only to be harmed by platinum. This little mistake had endangered them both and Dean knew John was mad at him for it.

Back in the motel John took Dean to task. „What's up with you lately, Dean? That mistake you made on the hunt today could have easily been prevented. And then at the bar you didn't even pay attention to that waitress flirting with you."

„What?" Dean was confused. He understood that his father would say something about the hunt, but John usually never made any comments about his flirting behaviour.

„It's just that, you notice something's wrong when a dog doesn't eat. It's the same when you don't even try to get a girl's number. You've been unconcentrated lately and we really can't use that on the job, so what's wrong?" John replied.

This was it, this was the perfect moment to tell his Dad about Thomas and all the other guys. Or maybe not the perfect moment, there was no such thing as a perfect moment to tell his father this. But it was the best moment he would probably ever get. He took in a deep breath and put together all his courage. „Actually, dad, I met someone the other week on a hunt."

„Another girl who distracts you from doing your job properly?" John sighed.

„No, it's... It's not a girl." He shot a short glance at his father to see his reaction. John looked slightly confused, as if he was still trying to figure out what Dean meant to say. „It's a guy, dad. I'm dating a dude," Dean finally said.

„You what?" John asked, a mix of disbelieve and anger in his voice.

„Look dad, I -" But before Dean could start to explain anything to his dad, John interrupted him.

„So what? You're gay?"

„No, I'm not gay," Dean tried to defend himself, even though he wasn't quite sure why he needed defence. „But I'm also... not straight," he added in a much smaller voice.

He looked over at his dad who remained silent. He shouldn't have said anything, he should have kept it a secret. But then again he didn't want to keep this a secret anymore, he wanted finally not to have to hide any longer. If only his dad would finally say anything.

„Dad? Please say something."

„You should have kept this a secret. If you want to be a faggot, okay, but you shouldn't load your crap on other people."

This made Dean furious. He had thought about a lot of different reactions from his father. But John calling him a 'faggot'? That was too much.

„Oh come on, dad! We live in the fucking 21st century, don't act like you've never met a queer person before!" Dean yelled. He'd never gotten loud while talking to his father, except for the night when John had let Sam go.

„I don't care about other people and what or who they do in their free time. But you are my son!" John yelled back.

„Damn right, I'm your son. And that's why you should accept me and the way I live. I'm still who you raised me to be, and the fact that I like guys really isn't a big deal!"

„Then why did you bring it up in the first place?"

„Well sorry that I didn't want to live in the closet for the rest of my life!"

„You better should have!" With these words John stood up and left the motel room.

xxx

When he came back the next morning he acted as if their conversation from last night had never taken place.

„I got you a cup of caffeine," he said, handing a plastic cup over to Dean. „Now pack your things, we hit the road in half an hour."

„Yes, sir," Dean replied the way he was taught to. He didn't dare to bring the topic from last night up again, he decided he wouldn't talk about it to anyone ever again.

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**I hope you all enjoyed the second chapter!**

**I'm a little behind my schedule so I don't know when the third chapter_ Coming out to Bobby _will be up. But I hope it won't take me more than one or two weeks to finish that last chapter too.**


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